Chapter 1 / Aisha

”I’m very grateful for your offer but I just have to decline.” I said as I lowered the mug of coffee back to the desk. “But why? This is what you have been looking for years, right?” Our editor asked me looking like I had just spoken Russian to him. “Yeah, but things have changed Ethan and it’s not what I want anymore”. I answered him with a harsh look on his eyes. “Is this because of what happened to Matthew?” Ethan asked after a long silence.

When I heard his name I couldn’t help but take a quick breath and try my best to fight against tears that were trying to blur my vision. “No. This has nothing to do with Matt or Jake.” I answered a bit too quickly and snappily. Realizing this I regretted it immediately and hoped that Ethan hadn’t picked it up which I knew was false hope. “Aisha it wasn’t your fault what happened to them,” Ethan said finding some softness to his voice. “No one couldn’t tough that it would take the turn that it took.” He continued whilst correcting his position. “But it should’ve been me and not him!” I half yelled at the man before the tears broke loose.

Ethan gave me time to cry before he started to talk again. “They knew what they were signing in when they took this job. You just gotta have the right kind of madness to survive on this job and they both had it and it made them who they were.” “Yeah but I was on the call that day and if I hadn’t asked him to cover for me that day he would still be alive” I replied to Ethan with a shaking voice. “If I would have taken the appointment for the next day things would be so much different now,” I said with a heavy voice and picked up my coffee again.

We sat in quiet for some time before I continued “I’m pregnant and it’s his child.” I saw how Ethan shifted his eyes back to me from the skyline behind me and looked surprised. “Oh crap, Aisha I’m so sorry that I’ve been such an ass lately and pushed you like a maniac.” He said. “Have you known long?” “For about a month. I was supposed to tell him the news that day as soon as I was back from my appointment. But I never had the chance to do so.” I said. ”Yeah… but you know that he had the urge to go back and if he hadn’t injured himself so that he wasn’t able to continue you wouldn’t have met him.” Ethan tried to cheer.

“I know that all too well but still it ain't changing the fact that I should be the one at the bottom Bering sea and not him,” I said as the memories of the news about a sunken crabbing vessel started to fill my mind again. Matthew had spoken a lot if his time working up north and how he missed the job even when there were the days that the sea was a bitch and everything froze up instantly. So even though I told myself that he would have gone in an instant if it had been his call shift didn’t help nor did the knowledge of crabbing being a much safer now than a decade or so ago. Or maybe it was the reason why it hit so hard. Or maybe the little one inside of me was the reason. Or maybe because Jake had also lost his life there and he would’ve had a long life ahead of him as he was only 18.

At some point, I heard Ethan telling that he had to go and then the door. I sat in silence and lost in my thoughts when my phone started to vibrate to indicate that a message has been received. The message was short and consisted of only one word which was ”Lunch? M”. Looking at the clock I realized that it was on the point and I got up and took my coat and purse before headed out.

On my way out Myron joined me and we walked outside of our office building in silence before he asked what had Ethan doing in my office for so long and what he had to say to upset me. “Ethan offered me a gigantic story to cover but I turned his offer down.” I said without even turning to see his expression. “But why? I mean you have been wanting to cover something big for so long and now when you had the chance you turned it down?!? What on earth are you thinking woman?” I heard his voice next to me and I knew how shocked he would look. “Well let’s just say that things are bit different now than what they were when I started.” I gave maybe a just bit too snappy answer to him even though I knew that his emotions were right to the cause.

“Is this because of him?” Myron asked looking into my eyes as we stopped in front of the restaurant. I rolled my eyes as I pulled the door open and stepped in and started to stare at the menu so that I could get my mind off from Matthew for a moment for a change. After we did our orders and went to the table I finally gave my answer to him. “Well part of it. But as I said the things are different now and I have to start to think about the cases that I took on as some of the most action packed ones aren’t the best ones for me anymore.” “What are you meaning with that?” I didn’t wanted to tell him the real reason just yet so I just gave him a gaze and turned my focus on my sallad.

We spent most of our lunch in silence witch was new but also welcomed and on our way back we spoke mostly from work. The thing I loved about Mylon was that he was able to drop things that didn’t serve his meanings. Rest of the day I tried to focus on the article I was writing with the best way possible but I wasn’t able to drop the conversations with Ethan and Myron from my mind so I founded myself stopped from working few times and just going through those conversations and all that had happened during these last couple of months.

I tried to continue working, but it just didn’t seemed possible so I gave up and took some papers with me to home so that I could try to work from there bit more. After I was ready I went by Ethans office and told him that I would be working from home the last couple of hours from my day. This was ok to him so after I said bye I walked straight out the door and headed home and enjoyed the silence that greeted me there.

Chapter 2 / Matthew/Cole

When I woke up I felt like my body would have weighed like a ton and all that I could see was just pure white and all I heard was just beebs. Also when I was trying to speak, it was impossible as there was a tube going down on my throat. When I was almost starting to panic someone came next to me and told me to calm down so that it would be possible to take the tube out.

It didn’t make me feel any better but I was able to calm down a bit and when I was calm enough the person next to me said that I should lay still and what would happen next might be a bit uncomfortable but it was normal to the process. When the tube was being pulled out I felt like throwing up but as soon as it was out it the sensation disappeared and it was much more easier to breathe and finally I was also able to try to speak.

The first trial I wasn’t able to get any words out, but slowly they started to come back and I was able to ask where I was. As I was asking where I was I turned my head to my left to see the person next to me who had just taken the tube out.

He turned out to be a young nurse and he told me that I was at a hospital in Anchorage and that I had been in a coma for the past two months that I’ve been in the hospital. After hearing this I tried to think why I had ended up in the hospital, but I couldn’t remember anything before I had just woken up. I asked how I had ended up in the hospital and the nurse said that I had been in an accident in the Bering Sea and the coast guard had medivaced me out from the sea before I had been medivaced to the hospital. After he told me this he asked if I could remember anything from what had happened and I said that I don’t remember anything before just woking up.

He said that it was expected after the trauma I had suffered and it could take a day or two for my memories to get back. He told me that the doctor who has been treating me would come by soon and I could ask from her anything that was on my mind and before that, I should just rest as my body should get used again on being functional after getting help from the machines for the past couple of months.

I tried to think why and how I had ended up on the accident that I was just told but my mind was just blank and there wasn’t any chance for me to get a grab of any memory that I had. At some point, the doctor walked into the room and checked some basic things before she also asked me what could I remember anything. I told to her also that I had no memories from before me just waking up half an hour or so before.

The doc gave me some kind of rundown of what had happened and how I had ended up in the hospital. After she had told this she asked if I had any questions and I said that I didn’t have and I was a bit disbelief still about the fact that I was in the hospital. We had a little chat and the doctor told me that we would have a better discussion of how things would turn out during the next days and weeks as I would get my strength back after the accident and the coma.

As the doctor left the room I started to feel super tired and before I knew it I was asleep and I didn’t wake up until the next morning.

Chapter 3 / Aisha

The next day I felt a bit better and I was able to finish one article that was due that week for Ethan to precheck and see if there was something to change.

When I arrived at our offices I had to take a deep breath before I pulled the door open and walked in and to the elevators.

On my way up to the right floor, I tried to keep my mind busy until I could reach my office as didn’t want to see the desks that were Matthew’s and Jake’s as it still hurt to see them even though now the desk weren’t empty anymore and haven’t been in weeks. When I sat down at my desk I tried to start working straight away and I did start by sending the article I had just finished the last night and after that I did fix up couple of articles that needed some changes before I had promised to help one of our upcoming reporters to write their article that they have been working on for a while now and they are supposed to get it ready soon but they have just taken a bit too big bite and can’t handle it.

Because my office was stuffed with papers and all sorts of crap from the past months we decided to go to our little conference room where we would have space to spread papers and just also room to work. We worked until lunch and we made some great progress as I was genuinly surprised how smart the youngsters were surprisingly up with their material and with just a little help they were able to start to write their article all by themselves. Before we separated we agreed to meet back there right after lunch so that I could gave them a hand with their article if they would need it as I didn’t had anything that I would have needed to get done.

As I was making my way out after a quick stop at my office I was stopped by Myron who asked if he could join me for lunch or if I had some other plans for my lunch. I told him that he would be free to join me as I didn’t have any plans for my lunch. I also told the man that he shouldn’t expect too much of the lunch as I had planned just to pick up something from the café next to our offices as I wasn’t in a mood for lunch.

Myron said that it was fine for him and we stepped into the elevator in silence and we kept our silence until we were at the cafe. After that, we were mostly speaking about what we would order and some basic everyday stuff with some ideas and plans for articles we were writing or what we would like to write when we would get the chance and the time would be right.

Myron was surprised when my answer had changed from previous and he asked if it had something to do with the offer that Ethan had presented me the previous day or if it had its root on events that had happened couple months prior. I didn’t know what to tell him so I sat in silence for a while before I was able to pick up my words and I told him that there was a lot of things that had built up for making the difference of taking the offer that he had given me yesterday and for turning it down and going to wait for the next opportunity.

Myron looked like he wouldn’t buy this tale but he didn’t say anything with his words. We had some small and useless conversations about all the little things that weren’t such important.